Sunday, January 9, 2011

and its been a year

I can hardly believe that nearly two years have gone by since this journey began.
With that realization comes the reminder that Sherri has also been gone for the same amount of time.
There isnt a day that goes by that I don't think of Sherri in one way or another.

Ella eases those feelings.

Baby Mama was a great support system to me through the 17+ hour labor.
I cant forget Ella's Safta (grandmother) who helped me make it through the difficult final stage of labor. Thank you so very much.

Going back to December 30, 2009 .... my awesome husband drove 6 hours to the hospital to pick me up, 24 hours after Ella was born.
I decided to go home quickly for a number of reason, not the least of which was my family and I were eager to get our lives back to normal.

Ella's Mom,Dad, brother and extended family were all loving up on her and it was time for me to go ... this leg of our journey had come to an end.

I am sure many of you have questions about my feelings at this point.
Honestly, when I was carrying Ella, I felt confident that I would have no problem handing her over to her family.
I did have the nagging feeling that I might be sad when the time came ... simply from the change in hormones, etc.

I never did have that feeling. I am not sure any feeling could ever replace the overwhelming joy I felt when I saw the faces of Ella's parents and her grandparents right after she was born.
After my initial feelings of relief that I had survived the delivery at my old age ;)
I was truly amazed at how naturally the events just unfolded.
It was as if that is how everything in the world was meant to be, and I was at peace.

There are times I even have to remind myself that I gave birth to someone else's baby. Psychologically, I was so well prepared for my role as a gestational carrier and that made the transition perfect for me.
I was always committed to helping my friend make her family complete, everything else simply fell into place.

We have had many milestones in the past year and I have seen Baby Mama and the family quite often (although not as often as we'd like)
We were able to spend Ella's birthday together and my daughter Sofia made her a little cake.

Its been a crazy ride.
I am so enjoying being Ella's auntie and my heart nearly explodes when I see this family together ... to be able to have a part in completing the family of a friend that you love ... is incomparable to any other feeling I have ever had.
I look forward to sharing this next step in our journey.