So maybe she isn't a morning person! Look very closely at the picture above, that is her arm in the center (white blur) with her hand resting on her forehead...I decided she was annoyed because we were bothering her so early in the morning :) Baby Daddy just thinks that she is a drama queen (already!). Either way, yesterday was the organ scan and the docs said her organs all look great...nice brain and four chambers in the heart..phew! She weighs about a half of a pound right now. It seems that she is growing well..we go back August 28th for an echo-cardiogram (do these tests ever end?) Oh, and her heartbeat was in the 150s...the most beautiful sound (although as my friend pointed out, does sound a bit like a washing machine!)
My other update is on breast feeding..as most of you probably know, I will NOT be taking any of the medications necessary to induce lactation. However, I will try to induce mechanically without drugs...The good news was that I had lots of blood work done which showed I am still in remission (it is 5 years and one month!) but there was just too much risk that the drugs and herbs could cause a relapse...and as much as I want this, I can't take that risk. So about 6-8 weeks before she is due, I will just start pumping and see what happens.
I also wanted to address the "perspective" entry from Egg Basket. First, I want to reiterate how grateful Baby Daddy and I are to Egg Basket for being on this journey with us..no matter how difficult it has gotten (or gets) I am still glad that we embarked on this journey..together. As Egg Basket mentioned, it isn't always easy..for any of us. Some days I think I am doing so well holding it all together and giving Egg Basket space and other days I want to slap myself (can't imagine what she wants to do to me!). I think ultimately the fact that we all keep our eyes on the big picture and that we really and truly have a bond of love is what helps us through. Sometimes, for me, I have to express the emotion to get to the acceptance. I can accept that we will do whatever we have to, but I often say that doesn't mean I have to like it (in re the legal issues especially).
One of the worst parts of infertility is the total and overwhelming feeling of powerlessness. Procreation is often a very personal experience between a couple, one that takes place behind closed doors between two people..ours is more like a national production. I have no control over any of this process, from whether it worked to what my baby hears in utero or is nourished with, to where she is born...clearly my trust in Egg Basket is implicit and none of my powerlessness it about her, it is just situational. Still, as we struggle to all be kind to one another, to respect each other's feelings, and to make sure everyone's needs are met I feel those powerless emotions rising up. I know that many women probably feel that their bodies are being taken over while pregnant and probably feel powerless too, but sometimes I wonder whether there is any precedent here. It is Egg Basket's body, her life, but our baby...it often feels like a very fine line...I am the kind of woman who likes to control things and be organized, so perhaps this is a good lesson for me to let go of that which I can't control and just accept that what will be will be.
Each day we get a little closer to meeting our daughter, a little closer to the miracle that Egg Basket is giving us..each day I remind myself that THAT is what this is about...my daughter...and I would journey to the ends of the world and back for her, so this is nothing, right?
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