perspective

Ahhhh… week # 18.
Almost ½ way there!
I know, its been awhile. Boy! the all day sickness really whacked me harder than I had ever anticipated!
This has certainly been more difficult than my previous pregnancies.
A bout with migraines adding insult to injury. Weeks 8 to 16 were pretty horrific.
But here I am, at week 18…. Feeling much improved and ready to handle the challenges ahead.
Because I am not an overly demonstrative person, this process has been an interesting challenge for me. Acknowledging how much I care for Baby Mama and how much I want her to realize her dreams… I have also had to do a great deal of personal reflection.
There are many things that, frankly, I had failed to truly process when making this commitment.
Having other people intricately involved in my daily life for starters. It was (and, at times, continues to be) difficult to deal with people asking me questions, perpetually.
How are you? How do you feel? Are you sick again today? Oh no! what’s wrong?
I am just simply not accustomed to the onslaught of interest in my life.
Scheduling appointments is often a 4 way catastrophe, with my increasingly busy schedule, Baby Mama’s, Baby Daddy’s and the doctor’s!
There is a delicate balance that we all must walk between preserving our personal autonomy and respecting each others feelings. I’ll be honest in saying we have all had our moments of power struggle along the way… particularly if we’ve had difficulty in coordination. It can be frustrating.
I have had to step back and remind myself, more than once, of how lucky I am to not be in the position where bringing my child into the world rests, physically, in the hands of another.
Separating my personal feelings about myself and this process, while remaining empathetic to the needs of Baby Mama/Daddy is tough. I often have to place my feelings of being smothered on the back burner in order to do so.

Perspective.
This is most definitely a humbling and insightful experience. It gives me perspective not only into how another person must feel, but also into my own limitations.
We are now faced with some unexpected legal complications with regard to the birth certificate.
I know that Baby Mama and Baby Daddy are very worried about the future of this uncertain situation.
I am thankful that we are all on the same page in our desire for a successful outcome … despite the stressors involved.
Keeping my eye on the prize, it’s what I tell Baby Mama, it’s what I live by.
For me, that prize will come the day I watch the doctor hand this little princess over to her Mommy and Daddy and big brother… all of the sickness, the struggles will be forgotten .
<3 you guys.