24 Plus 280

So..24 days..and counting. I am happy to report that we have successfully completed all the "prerequisites". The fertility office is still waiting for confirmation that the baby box rocks, but we all already know it does, so not worried about that. Which means we are moving on to the actual process!

Egg Basket goes for a "lining check" next Wednesday and if it looks good and thick, then she will start injecting her tush that night (or the next, depending on when the results get from Connecticut to Maryland). I KNOW she is looking forward to that! Unfortunately, I will be on a plane to California while her lining is being examined, but she knows my heart will be with her and I intend to call the second my plane lands..if I have to miss something, I guess this is an okay thing to miss..sigh.

The next step will be another "lining check" on the 16th and if it is all good, touchdown on the 20th..phew! Then about 2-3 weeks of nail biting and we will know!

In the meantime, my husband, son and I all went up to CT this past weekend to visit Egg Basket and her family. We arrived in the middle of the night on Thursday and stayed through Sunday evening. I can't describe how wonderful I felt being there. It felt like I went home, even though I had never been to her house in CT before. In fact, I was really depressed to leave because talking to Egg Basket on the phone and computer aren't the same as sitting in her kitchen, drinking wine and eating whatever yummy thing she just whipped up for me. I comforted myself with the knowledge that there will be many more visits and lots more time together.

Still..over the last few days I realized that I had a nagging emotion that I am not used to..insecurity. There is a part of me that feels so indebted to Egg Basket for all that she is doing that I am constantly over-analyzing my actions. I am worried about annoying her, pissing her off, making her feel under-appreciated..whatever. As much as intellectually I know that she and I are in this together and nothing will change that, the emotional part of me questions how to act.

Of course, I just be myself...but that is where the insecurity sets in, what if myself isn't good enough? what if I've changed so much and she doesn't really like who I am now? the person I've become in the last 8 years? I am an incredibly emotional, wear my heart on my sleeve type and she is not...

Then I remember, she does put up with my neediness in this situation (just as she always did) and of course I've been emotional since the day she met me, and intellectually I know she loves me regardless of all of this...yet, I think that the insecure feeling is a part of this process too..

I expect that this feeling will ebb and flow throughout all of this, if it works..but at the end of the day, how do you thank the woman who is willing to carry your baby or when/if she is actually carrying your baby? That is a question I will gladly struggle with..for the next 24 days, and G-d willing for 280 more days after that (give or take a few, right Egg Basket?)